packing

To travel back to the East (at least from this perspective)... I am afraid that my suitcase(s) are too heavy, which presents a minor, but not insurmountable problem. As with everything it seems, the answer will be money. Not a bribe to an airline, you understand.... but money handed over to get something that I want done, done. Hmm. It's an interesting system that we're a part of.

Today was a non-starter on the thinking front. So was yesterday actually. My mum's test results came back - positive. That is to say, negative, in that the cancer has not spread. So just the relatively minor radiation therapy and other treatment... Not minor at all, I know. But compared to the worst this is pretty good.

I spent some of the afternoon trying to read/think outside, on "Mildred Bangs Wynkoop's" bench. It was quite lovely to be outside, and the grass, birds, and trees were all good company.

My aunt and I then had a farewell coffee - for those of you thoroughly confused about my whereabouts, I am going to Amsterdam until next week now - and then I went and had a further farewell coffee on my own.

It's been a very interesting experience. Lots to think about. I am ready to get back to small... but hopefully I've come back enlarged... [not in that way].

I've been looking at a lot of books here. It occurred to me that I'll never be able to read all the books that there are. Never. I guess that makes choices more important. Time is such a valuable aspect of life...

peculiarities

How's this for accurate? From Roy Porter:

“And when they could not be passed off as virtues, the peculiarities of
the English – their cantankerousness or hypochondria – was put down to the
island’s unsettled climate, which was obviously reponsibile for those
other treasured character traints, eccentricity and contrariness.”

That is SO a description of me! Cantankerous, eccentricity and contrariness in SPADES... and did I tell you I have an earache?

A very brave thing

this morning's service was again, interesting... The minister of the church stood up and announced that the decision to cancel/combine services made last week, had not been made with enough dialogue between board and congregation. So, rather than implement it on April 15th, they were going to now offer opportunity for discussion; including having prayer and fasting for 30 days as a church. he assured the congregation that the intention of the board had not been malicious (I am paraphrasing here from memory), and that the board wanted forgiveness for the clumsiness that had gone before. I have to say that I thought he grew in stature as he spoke. And that the board had made a very, very wise decision to allow a process to occur. I also thought that the call to prayer was vital. It is so easy to dig the proverbial heels in, or stubbornly pursue our own paths, and great grace was shown. And great sensitivity to the needs of the congregation. I hope that KC finds a good way forward. He made a particular plea to the people of the congregation, that as they work through it in front of teens and children, the congregation and her leaders model good ways of dealing with conflict, and reconciliation. Again, I know it doesn't matter in the least what I think, but I was impressed with a sense of grace and dignity in the struggle. It cannot have been an easy week for them/him.

So...

since I was quick off the mark last week, I thought I'd try and be as quick off the mark this week!

Yesterday I planted things: hostas, hollyhocks, pansies, astibles, day lillies. Beautiful. I love tilling the earth and planting.

The night before I assumed the persona of someone on TV here called Stacey London from 'what not to wear' and my aunt and I had a lot of fun. [she, stacey is not nice, quite brutally honest, and talks a lot with her hands. aparently her catch phrase is something like, 'shut up!' As in, I can't believe you're doing/wearing etc...). Anyway, as Stacey I was good! As in MEAN. As in, 'no, don't keep that!'. Since Aunty Raine and I are similar, it was fun... and since she has an enormous house, she has accumulated things over the years [a lot of us would'nt have the space] and now, she has much more space. Let's put it that way! Now i need someone to do that for me!

And today, I also experienced a 'sonic' which is like a place you'd see in a film. You drive up to a little box, and place your order from inside your car, and then someone brings your order out to you. It is called a 'drive-in'... I had a lemon-berry slushie (I think), and it was really delicious and cold - which was good since today it was 80 degrees (US degrees) and humid...

Other than that, there is some speculation here about war with iran. frightening thought.

And, just found out that one of my best friends in the world is pregnant. Very cool!

For those of you who are monitoring the PhD... I also have been reading A LOT, and thinking... Just so you don't think I'm dossing, I've had a 6.30-6 day most days this week.

An aunty again, welcome to the world little Anna Jean...

That's a lovely way to wake up.

Here are some quotes used in the book I've been delving into. I've heard them all before, but they provoke thought. [incidentally, Roberto, i think that having good opinions and strong ones is helpful in conversation and life, when accompanied - as the mega quote said yesterday - by humilty and willingness to learn from The Other. For me personally, it's the latter that's the struggle...:-)]

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
~Socrates

“The way not to grow old, and to stay young with advancing years, is to continue to learn.”
~Barth

“The mass of men [and women] lead lives of quiet desperation.”
~Thoreau

The last one has always bothered me. It seems qualitatively true, but is it? Most people's story seems to be filled with meaning.

Popcorn before bed...my kind of supper

One of the problems of being isolated is that your thoughts whirl around and around, and occasionally spiral into a no-man's-land of bleakness, or pessimism, or whateverism… So I apologise if the Blog has been a bit of a Blurt lately.

I have been thinking, reading, and ‘being’ in isolation. I have some friends here, but, context makes such a difference, hey? So, although I chat, and talk, it is somehow different than being rooted. And rootedness is so important. My tentacles have reached out, and the tap-root went into the Word and Table service – mostly through the connection of the Eucharist, the body given for me, the blood shed for me, BUT as you sup, you sup with others… So, the locus of my life in Longsight is also woven into the locus of my experience in Kansas. The mystery of faith, the Holy Spirit amongst us, uniting us, seems/is real.

Also, my Andrew asked me if my ‘not missing this list’ was really transformed [do I have more imagination? Humour? Grace? Am I more interesting? Less boring? {thanks darling!}] by being away? And the reality of course is that the absence of Methane, litter, weed [not that people here don’t smoke it, but I’ve not encountered any at headquarters!] and so on is truly great… But “the first thing you unpack is your head” and the dragging sense of lowness hasn’t gone anywhere. But – having ONE THING TO DO is a good feeling – and having a RHYTHM of life [albeit early…] is wonderful. Having time to meet people for coffee, is lovely… Sitting in cafés and thinking is a beautiful thing. The question of ‘what happens when I get back lingers of course. But, there are daffodils coming out, cardinals hopping around, and the grass is growing, so the world and her seasons continue… The magnolias are in bloom, and it is warm and sunny. So I read this and thought it was wonderful:

“We withhold from them [non-Christians] the possibility of being our teachers. Without an attitude of learning, we have not entered a sacred “I/Thou” relationship. ... We want to provide for them what they lack, care for their needs, and teach them what they need to know. This position of a giver affords us a sense of control. But true love means knowing how to take. You love your grandma when you take her recipe; you love strangers when you need their company; you love your parents when you need their advice, you love your children when you need their forgiveness; you love your friends when you hear their stories. We don’t truly love someone until we take what they need to give us. Although we often think of God as self-satisfied, needing nothing, God does honour us by needing us. This need of God for us is symbolized in the Sabbath commandment that has no other purpose than creating a space in time when God can enjoy our full attention, when a lover can simply be with his beloved. Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel explained once how the greatest human need is to become a need. God needs us to participate with him in healing the world.”

Pagitt and Jones, An emergent manifesto of hope, 197

I was wondering as I was driving, lost [somehow the I-70 confuses me, I ended up downtown and had to wend my way back – past 18th street [home of the Jazz museum], down The Paseo, an old, beautiful, broad, tree-lined, run-down street.]: could I live here? It’s an interesting concept to play with - my forehead was bruised from listening to NPR [national Public Radio, thank you Geordan] and hearing Bush deny the right for his advisors to be subpoenaed, or have their statements taken under oath, or have transcripts of their statements made ‘because the houses/senates concern was partisan.’ And then, I heard John Bolton’s most recent proclamations that Iran was a ‘potential military target’ because ‘military action would be better then having Nuclear Weapons in the hands of Iran’ and that the best way for things to change would be ‘regime change’ in Iran, Sudan, [North Korea was mentioned too: the report… ]. Bang, Bang, Bang, my forehead on the wall… The question I asked myself was - would I just become numb to this? Complacent? Worn-out? Concussed? Mind-boggling. Well done to the many, many people I’ve met here who question, think, and live differently.

And, of course, what about home? As per our vigorous, earlier conversations - the UK most definitely has her share of problems. Lack of imagination, lack of optimism, fragmentation abounds. The ageing, sagging, embarrassed, post-colonial, post-Christian, post-everything atmosphere has its own ways of wearing you down.

So, onto the Church, the body of Christ, the alternative story-telling community that we share in, be in. The hope-bringing, light-shining, upside-down-believing, longing for a different story to be our story, the Eucharist taking, life-of-Christ-pulsing through our veins, that church. What way do we go so that we regain our Spirit? Longsight, as a particular community, shaped, shaping in so many ways, rooted in community… how do we live obedient to that kind of vision? Postcolonial, liberating, free?

Anyway, picking up from the chapter of one of the books I’m reading, I really think I’m probably a Nazbomergent… That bears some thinking about… (as well as deeply involved in paradoxology).

“Go to the people. Live among them, learn from them, love them, start with what they know, build on what they have.” Chinese proverb

and then, this made me laugh [it was said in the context of babysitting]:
“sometimes you just have to get pooh on your hands” ~Andrew Brower Latz

Beware: Another long one, and I'm a tad tired, so probably far too blunt... Proceed with caution.

The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt? ~Frederick Buechner

Good things about being away
Intentional friendships
Focus on ONE thing
Experiencing another culture

Things I have missed [and people :-(]
Andrew
My mum and dad and walking Sheppa [on occasion]
Friends
Dinner with friends/ Talking with friends/ Listening to friends
Wednesday night group
Sound liturgy
Voluntary leadership in church, people who ‘are’ so full of God that it leaks… and they serve
People who know my name
My office
Inquiring minds
Events: ordination, surgery, memorials…
The Allotment
Real coffee/ Dark chocolate/ Andrew’s Bread
Potential
mobile-phone-when-driving-ban
The parks

Things I haven’t missed
Traffic in the mornings
My imagination being m.i.a.; Feeling deeply fragmented & too busy
Feeling like I’m always forgetting something & Waiting for the other foot to drop
Feeling like church is a job [not always... just sometimes]
Methane smells [you’d have to have been at our house when the water is rising to know what I mean by this. It is bad. Escape is the only option]
Feeling humourless/ boring / ‘institutionalised’ / domesticated –[not in the house way]/ like a hamster
weed [the kind you smoke] everywhere
litter in Longsight after market day


Then I read this:

“In the Spiritual life, the word discipline means “the effort to create some space in which God can act.” Discipline means to prevent everything in your life from filling up. Discipline means that somewhere you’re not occupied, and certainly not preoccupied. In the spiritual life, discipline means to create that space in which something can happen that you hadn’t planned or counted on.”

(from An Emergent Manifesto, 72 citing Nouwen, of course!) I like that. Some of the above might be sorted if I/we act on that

Something else I like the sound of:

“Many participants in emerging conversations long for a sense of greater integration between belief and practice, local and global, inward and outward, the individual and a sense of place within a local community and culture. We see this longing for integrative theology and practice expressed in various themes within the emerging church phenomenon:
• Significant interest in “community,” communal living, and renewed monastic practices
• An open-source approach to community, theology, and leadership that encourages flatter structures, networks, and more personal and collective participation
• Revitalized interest in the social dimensions of the gospel of Jesus, including community development, earth-keeping, global justice, and advocacy – with a particular emphasis on a relationally engaged approach to these issues
• Renewed interest in contemplative and bodily spiritual formation disciplines that have, historically, been important Christian practices
• A renewed emphasis on creation theology that celebrates earth, humanity cultures, and the sensuous and aesthetic as good gifts of the Creator to be enjoyed in their proper contexts
• Cultivation and appreciation of the arts, creativity, artful living, and provocative storytelling
• Re-examination of vocation, livelihood, and sustainable economics."

(An emergent Manifesto, 28)

Further thoughts on New Monastic Communities

Just pursuing some of the comments you’ve made re. the monastic communities. It is true that these were prefigured by many groups, not just Wesley and the Methodists, or the Moravians, but many others also. The challenge for us is transmorphing something from the past into a cultural setting that has shifted dramatically. And, of course, the demise of many of the aforementioned groups was quick. In a PhD thesis researching the ‘cell’ structure’s demise in Methodism, the perceived weakness was in the area of intimacy-over-time. That is, it is hard to maintain.

I think that it is true the group that some of us talked about in December seems to resemble the new monasticism, but here we face several challenges also: transience, travel, time, commitment and the habit of gossip, are but a few.

I can only speak for myself, so I will… One of my yearnings is for greater intimacy with a few trusted people, but one of my fears is greater intimacy with a few trusted people… See my problem? The risk involved is enormous… and probably one of the reasons creating REAL friendship is so difficult, and so demanding, and so beautiful when it happens. The other issues:

~Time: what stays, what goes, in order to be immersed in a ‘monastic’ community, what else do we not do?

~Homogeneity: I have an instinctive issue with groups that are all ‘of a type’ being able to claim to be Christian [or church?], and although the defenders of those groups say [and I understand this, and ‘get’ it] that this is the way friendships happen, exist and that it is better to work with it… I just think that is not particularly Galatians 3. Yet, I also know that on my ‘short-list’ of people-I’d-like-to-meet-with-a-lot the people I instinctively chose are people just like me, only better… And, as much as that is really comfortable, I am not sure that comfort is always what’s best for me [viz. my waistline]. Hmm.

~Exclusivity: closely related, but there seems to need to be a double-dynamic of ‘intimacy’ and ‘inclusion’ - and the latter means that more people come, more people coming means the former is difficult…

~Longevity: most people my/your/our ages are getting ready to move, wanting to move, needing to move, or will move. What then? Tires me out thinking about it. [I include myself in this potential]. Perhaps when one moves the ideas/ life-style goes with it, but what about rooted-ness? Andrew and I have talked a lot about this and there are good arguments on all sides. Desert Fathers, Eugene Peterson, Rowan Williams [to show the spectrum] seem to advocate staying… rooting… being… but [Jesus?], Wesley, reproduction-as-growth-and-change seem to suggest something slightly different - moving the message, ‘The Way’, with you… but related to this is:

~Geography: I imagine that this is true. In the Wesleyan example [as a founding myth and primordial example for us] the people who gathered –apart from the itinerants – were geographically connected… The changing culture we are a part of has made it possible for the groups to ‘drive-to’ each other… I wonder (often) [and again, I am thinking specifically about my own context of the Longsight Community Church of the Nazarene, ok?] if really we should be geographically locating the nmc’s within walking distance of one another… or a least in the same post-codes… That would mean that some serious changes would happen – the clusters would be withington, didsbury, burnage, levenshulme, gorton, longsight, westpoint/rushford, etc… and that would change the whole dynamic considerably…. Right? Would they be churches?
On the other hand, we do live in a different world, we are net-worked, we relate in different, ‘third spaces’ so should nmcs create third spaces and ‘be’ in them? Does the geographic community then not matter?

~Mission: I was trying to think of a better word for this, but can’t right now. Organic mission is part of being a Christian, how does/ must/ should/ can that change this new monasticism?

Other issues I think that bear thinking about for the ideas of new monasticism: sanctuary, hospitality, spirituality, prayer, advocating justice... The nature of vows is another interesting one – some of the nmc’s vows are for life… What does that entail? How are people held accountable to them?

Anyway, there are so many things to think about. Oy vey!! Yet:

“Love is a spiritual practice that matures us as we try and try again to leave behind our isolation, expose our vulnerabilities, and make commitments to care truly for one another.”

(What would huckleberry do? Sawyer, in Pagitt, Jones, 48)

New word courtesy of Sawyer that describes me/life well: paradoxology isn't that great? And, I just figured this out today: Question – Quest…

Other things of interest

For an Anglican on Emergent - and Trident
for some ideas

And finally: beyond belief (almost, really)
"Lakeland, Florida Highland Park, Church of the Nazarene: recently held a student revival with the theme "driven," asking youth the question, "What drives you?" The event included car and truck shows, remote control car races, and motorcycles. Additional features included prizes, special concerts, and free food before the message." No, really. The message had already been given, surely?

interesting

One of the things I've been thinking about are the lessons that we learn through film. Recently, I was thinking about the film [beating Wild Hogs and Premonition in the box office here] 'the Spartans', which is "The story of vastly outnumbered Spartans defending against Persian invaders." It struck me that the 'enemy' that we watch in films somehow makes us willing to think of those people as 'enemies' too. [do films reflect, or create reality...]. I was joking with some friends about this in conjunction with this month being the celebration of Purim, where to this day biscuits in the shape of ears are eaten in celebration of enemies being vanquished. It's all so complicated the idea of loving the neighbour, loving the enemy, being a friend. The stranger being the enemy is very present right now in a lot of places... [coincidence that Persia is Iran and others?]

Anyway, I am currently sitting with family - supposed to be chatting I think, but actually watching golf. Ugh. Golf. TV certainly dominates here. My uncle Jay has just called me 'an imp' which is quite funny... [he used to horribly embarrass me when I was young: he drove a bus for the city of Winnipeg and I would catch buses to school. On occasion when I got on, he would say things like "THIS GIRL HASN'T PAID" or, "HOW'S THAT CONTAGIOUS DISEASE" at the top of his voice. Awful. But funny. Or answer the phone, "Jay's pool hall, who in the hall do you want to call"... ]

Today I went (as per) to the Word and Table service. It turned out to be quite extraordinary. At the end of the service the 'chairman of the board' got up and announced to the congregation that in a "unanimous decision" the board had decided (in conjunction with a consultant and years of thought, a new mission statement being agreed for the church and the need for a greater community) to disband two services (Word and Table and 'contemporary') and move to one service, where the senior pastor as spiritual leader could direct the church... It was shocking. Literally. No one bar the leader of the service appeared to have any idea...

I will no doubt keep thinking about it, but so much struck me as askew. First, the Way of making the decision, non-consultative [apart from the paid consultant], without representation by the congregants. Two, the idea of unity, and what/how/who creates unity. Three, the idea of worship. Four, the idea of a 'pastor's role. Five, the idea of 'community'... Anyway, in many ways I am not part of the community - not privy to the decision, not effected by it at this local level... But I was very aware of the reverberations of this kind of decision on the wider community.
It also made me think a lot about the Longsight congregation, our understandings, the way we make decisions ...

Anyway, I have felt far from home these last few days, missed family, missed friends, missed Lynn's ordination :-( ... A lot happens when a person is away.

urban covenant communities - since I wouldn't make being a monk :-)

Thanks for your prayers, mum is out of surgery, and on a ward in the hospital overnight. Home tomorrow hopefully... Now, we wait for results...

*More things I like*

~Cardinals
~Sunrises when you are driving east
~Phone calls from friends
~discoveries
~replacing ‘clergy’ with ‘celery’ – quite an amusing mistake to make throughout a document
~peace movements

What is a Dill pickle…?!!

Well. It is a cucumber, transformed by vinegar, sugar, salt, garlic and dill… It is crunchy, sharp, and bitter. They are preserved in a glass jar. They are juicy, and satisfying. Deeply delicious, they complement any meal.

The MacDonald’s slices that are in a burger are a greenish parody, do NOT consider these to be dill pickles.

Here is one page I found: dynamite dills

Urban monasticism

There are various groups that I’ve read about that practice urban monasticism. Some are in ‘communities’ like the Northumberland community: they don’t live together, meet infrequently, but share a common ethos. The ones I am most attracted to are a bit more intentional than that. They meet frequently, eat, and have several vows. The book ‘Colonies of Heaven’ [by Ian Bradley, I have it if you want to borrow it] reflects some of the ideas. These include things like: learning, hospitality, feasting, fasting, praying, caring for the poor, reading Scripture, creativity. He is advocating this ‘celtic way’ as a way for the church writ large, and I find much of what he says very compulsive. Of course, it is also deeply challenging and quite radical. Other groups will follow ‘the hours’ idea from the early monastics– stopping at points in the day and reciting prayers simultaneously [though physically apart]. I find that an interesting idea also.

There is at least one that is based on the Mustard Seed Order, via Zinzendorf -
Mustard seed order
And their rule is: True to Christ, Kind to people, gospel to the nations …

Another US based one [New monasticism] that I’ve been looking at has these ’12 marks’ - it sounds very ‘prophetic:

1) Relocation to the abandoned places of Empire.

2) Sharing economic resources with fellow community members and the needy among us.

3) Hospitality to the stranger

4) Lament for racial divisions within the church and our communities
combined with the active pursuit of a just reconciliation.

5) Humble submission to Christ’s body, the church.

6) Intentional formation in the way of Christ and the rule of the
community along the lines of the old novitiate.

7) Nurturing common life among members of intentional community.

8) Support for celibate singles alongside monogamous married couples and their children.

9) Geographical proximity to community members who share a common rule of life.

10) Care for the plot of God’s earth given to us along with support of our local economies.

11) Peacemaking in the midst of violence and conflict resolution within communities along the lines of Matthew 18.

12) Commitment to a disciplined contemplative life.

They say: May God give us grace by the power of the Holy Spirit to discern rules for living that will help us embody these marks in our local contexts as signs of Christ’s kingdom for the sake of God’s world.

Interesting, hey? There are, of course, questions. The idea that this is a lifelong vow appears in a lot of them which is very challenging in our culture. (I think other things are quite interesting so, for instance the OMS says that if you are married, you must have the support of your partner, or this would likely not work) What else? They come up in a lot of emergent type books, which is where I stumbled across them. I had, however, already read Colonies of Heaven and had been deeply impacted by it – quite compelled in fact. And I also stumbled across the idea in Wesley via Viney (at least what I’d call the dna of it):

“… each is to bring what cash they have and put it together. If any own small debts, they are first to be paid. Then each abiding in their own dwellings, and following their business as they do now, are to bring weekly what they earn and put it into one common box, out of which they are to receive weekly as much as is thought necessary to maintain their families, without reflecting whether they put much or little into the box …”

Anyway, as I said, I like it. It seems good to me.

So… that’s my ‘brief introduction.’

Read these today as the Canticle and blessing for the day, and I leave them with you:

Canticle

Christ, as a light
illumine and guide me.
Christ, as a shield
overshadow me.
Christ under me;
Christ over me;
Christ beside me
on my left and my right.
This day be within and without me,
lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Be in the heart of each to whom I speak;
in the mouth of each who speaks unto me.
This day be within and without me,
lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Christ as a light;
Christ as a shield;
Christ beside me
on my left and my right.

Blessing

May the peace of the Lord Christ go with you,
wherever He may send you.
May He guide you through the wilderness,
protect you through the storm.
May He bring you home rejoicing
at the wonders He has shown you.
May He bring you home rejoicing
once again into our doors.

+ In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

Haberdashery

So, there are some things to chew over in some of your comments. Thanks. Is that the Andrew, of the long-trip-to-Utrecht-on-a-bumpy-ferry?

Today has been really interesting. Reading. Thinking.

Here are some more things I like:

*wrap around verandas & decks
*24 hour coffee places
*cup holders
*wide streets
*Schnauzer dogs
*cards in the post
*big tankards of water
*a lady called Dixie, who gave me an unsolicited hug and made my day
*chicken fried rice
*dill pickles
*my grandpa is addicted to murder programmes on TV. It makes me laugh.

Here are some other things I've noticed: I become numb really easily.

Here are some things to pray for, if you don't mind:
-my mum's pre-operative meetings and surgery on Friday
-my second cousin, missionary, being evacuated because people broke into his house to kill them yesterday

Here are some things I think:

1. Pacifism is not an easy option. Nor does violence appear to be redemptive, ever. The question you pose about the second world war is interesting, but not simple. What do we do with that?

2. I think that the idea of new monastic communities which is around right now seems quite compelling to me. People who take various vows - not the old ones - in order to shape their lives together. They also eat together three times a week. Interesting concepts. They don't 'go to church' they consider themselves missionaries and gather once a month as a wider community

3. I just read a chapter in a book called "Jesus is not my boyfriend." The author put his finger on something that has bothered me for a long time about some of the songs that we sing. He suggests that a lot of Christian music has 'bought into' the empire's norms. Interesting. He especially targets Delirious.

For the faint-hearted

The last blog is a mammoth one - really just trying to engage with IH on the questions I've been batting around. Don't feel like you have to read it [unless you're Iulia :-)].

I've had a long but good weekend, staying with some lovely friends in Texas and preaching at their District NYI convention. I had the chance to met up with some lads that I met first in Kankekee [sp?] about 7 years ago - of course, they are all grown up, and lovely, and Christians! It was so good to see them. I ate so much food: TEXAN. For those who are geographically challenged, Texas is HUGE. And, the food is HUGE, and delicioso! At one restaurant there was the possibility of having a 24 ounce steak, AND they sell drinks in 64 oz cups. I can't even describe how big that is!

Sadly, while away had a pretty bad/swift reaction, so for those of you who pray for me, that's one for the kneeler... I am also feeling quite mixed up about the future of Deirdre, so, again, if you are prayers, that's another... Lots going on in my head right now - exacerbated, I'm sure, by being far away from most of the kith and kin.

Umm. Read all the way there and back, and felt like i know about 1/1000 of what I should know at this stage. All quite depressing.

It is funny being away: Anyway, I'm about to get Maudlin, so I won't. I'll save that for another time :-)

I had really interesting conversations with people about the Military and Christian involvement. a lot of the lads I have met in Texas see the military as a natural option. One guy, Ernesto, is joining the marines this week. He is lovely, big hearted, sweet, an EMT, and keen to serve. It's another whole area of tension in my head. Especially because I had lunch with a wonderful young couple, the lady's father was in the Air Force for 20 years, and for the rest of his life [and theirs], he, his wife and their physically challenged youngest daughter have health insurance, pension and care... All made much more poignant since her mother is terminally ill.

Matt Francis, if you read this, what is the orthodox stance re. pacifism? What do other people think: what should Christians do?

Also, reading 'Exiles...' by Michael Frost. v, interesting, provocative and good.
okay. sdg

Holy Cow this is a long response...

Hey – this one’s an incoherent response to Iulia’s comments, and I think that together we ask a thousand questions~! First, and for the record, I don’t think you’re a stupid Yank.

In fact, I think that you are right - the environment in the UK *is* ambiguous. Partly, (I would argue) the impact of many, many Christians [and others] historically working to change culture through the avenues open to them, including the government and seeing their involvement as politicians as part of their Christian responsibility, then gradually allowing the government to take responsibility… So, free health care, free food, milk, education (until recently Uni was essentially free) were all partly legacies of the history. That means that it is harder to be ‘noticed’ as a Christian, or as ‘distinct;’ the challenge seems much more to be both creative and subversive. And I think you are right: the lines here in the US are much clearer. Poor is poor. Rich, Rich…

I don’t know of anyone who works on the estates who would disagree that injustices are done – and oppression is real, and I think that racism exists in the UK and here. The estate is not monolithic though - and I think that developing friendships with people who live on them – [moving there?] incarnating, as it were, or being incarnational wherever we may be living is also an enormous challenge. Brits are often also more reticent. That means that it is over time that you can have an impact that is often much more immediate in the States. I also agree it is much more easy to envision what you can *DO* (food banks, Spanish classes, english, working with gangs…) and usually because of your nation’s spirit it is generally done on both a much bigger and better scale. I am faced daily with very overt poverty here, and - though I see some at home – it is probably much more behind doors…

On the “what child in our estates around Longsight is going to make it to Uni?” question: quite a few; some of the boys that we started working with six years ago are involved in higher education. This is where is gets messy – only SOME of the people on estates are ‘underclass,’ others have high ambitions, great skills, ability and a yearning to become ‘more’ – but they are also tied into the estate. Brian, Adam, Lee, James, Matthew, Michael, Patrick are ALL in college, and they are only the ones I can think of off the top of my head. I guess I am both agreeing with you, and disagreeing with you. The analysis maybe needs to be more nuanced.

I am not sure that hate crimes are as prevalent. Maybe. I’d want the demographics :-) Or that racism and marginalization *are* hidden –it seems that the question of integration is one that seems to be troubling both of our societies. On the surface integration is allowed/ wanted/ hoped for. In reality it seems lacking – and, one of the things that strikes me in both places is that the Church generally reflects that - predominantly segregated, and middle class. I’ve spent the weekend on the Texas and Oklahoma Latin District. A segregated district for Spanish speakers - they are wonderful, generous, hospitable, marvelous, lively people – and not integrated… The same could be said for other churches I’ve visited in a lot of places. [of course, that begs other questions, right? What about the need to hear your own language? What about the ‘Latin congregation’ in Longsight? What about the missiological questions of homogeneous groups? EEK. Big.can.many.worms.]

It seems though, that where this ambiguity that you mention seems most unambiguous - is at the level of some of the congregations of the church (of the Nazarene). They/we are unambiguously *just the same* as the culture around us: the ‘American dream,’ or the ‘British dream/non-dream[?]’ for that matter - in values, segregation, attitudes prevails even in the church– BUT those with a social conscience seem more inclined to ‘reach out’ – or something… Again it’s not un-nuanced. I think that there are some that are ‘communities of Character’ (to borrow from Hauerwas) and in the UK I hope that is how Longsight is becoming - : but, here’s the question that I’ve been asking for a while – how integrated are we really? It takes time, energy, commitment to be friends – and, as has been a topic of conversation amongst many of us, but that is HARD WORK, people are BUSY and so on. But –what if every white Christian from our church was in and out of our brothers’ and sisters’ houses? What if the neighbours of our brothers and sisters (from wherever) who are being attacked saw true integration, and knew that there was defense, care and a wider community that these brothers and sisters are a part of [and it was Christian?]

Both our cultures are guilty of this: Lip service about peace in the Middle East, but having troops in Iraq and giving loads of money to Israel.

I can’t really answer about ‘upward mobility’ and the UK attitude – I think that there is an age-old suspicion of wealth. I also think that the class system is endemic, and oppression (including through various abuses) prevails. Though, I would want to argue that the way the West has gone under capitalism is not necessarily boding well for the future. We are more selfish than ever. I wonder if the despair that you sense in the UK is in deeper fractures - lack of community, lack of ‘other’, lack of movement, lack of outdoor air. Education, eating, walking, getting out of the slums maybe needs more vision than people have? The possibilities here, in the land of the free, seem endless – a self-made man/woman can go anywhere, and do anything…. And England is older, more tired, and her ancient bones are creaking… She was built by stayers not goers… establishment not pilgrim, there is a different mentality I think … BUT, self-made men and women don’t necessarily seem any more Christian to me, just more pioneering.

Surely then the Christian-journey that is so hard in the UK is at least as important/ if not more imperative, not less: Hope-bringers? Light-offerers? Vision-bearers? Alternative-reality proclaimers? Prophetic in the way you are trying to be? That seems to me a long-haul, difficult message, one at a time, encorporating community initiatives, but motivated as you say, by love. Brutal.

Ah, I think I’d better not get going on the government issue. I think that general malaise is endemic in both our governments, but I don’t think the sacred/secular divide in the UK has served us well – or that the sacred/sacred acquiescence in the US has served any better. But, shouldn’t Christians do all they can the change society? Shouldn’t we realize that the burden that is on US-together is one that demands a wider perspective and engaging? I would want to argue that when I write to the MP I am not saying the problem is HIS – I am saying it is OURS and he is one of the ways I will try and solve it- work towards its resolution: of course, if I write to say that recycling in Manchester is shameful (which it is), and then continue not to recycle I am passing it off – but certainly I don’t know many Christians/people who take that approach… But – that’s one of the issues isn’t it: I am just another person writing to the MP – that’s the very ambiguity you talk about. What makes us distinct?

[On a side note, I do think though that a lot of people think that problems ARE going to be solved through the government in the US – it’s just that the problems you allow the government to respond to are different – problems of security, threat, for example are all over the news here. (And in the UK, I know – I am saying that we expect more from the government, not less)…]

I DO see what you are saying about it being ‘easier’ to live apart here. But – I would say that it makes it easier for ‘socially aware,’ sensitive conscience Christians to live apart. BUT… I also think that the seemingly hegemonic nature of Christianity here makes it seem that many don’t live ‘apart.’ A little ‘Christian voice’, as you say, goes a long way… I agree… but which Christian voice?
But, you’re in the UK. So are we. How do we bring hope? Who are our friends? How do we connect? How do we make a difference? How do we build on the assumptions that are good (health care, education for all, welfare….etc), and be prophetic to the ones that are bad (education limited, waiting lists, abuses of the system…). And so on? How do we allow God to create a dream in people that isn’t ‘the American dream’ - or for that matter ‘the British dream’ - or do we find a dream that is bigger and deeper than both? Maybe there is a greater demand for much more subversive, courageous, friendship that “provokes thought and debate about THE ONE about whom all of this revolves” enabling people to know that “(HE is why all this important to me- it is all integrated because of HIM)…”

MAN I wish I was at the group on a Wednesday or at yours having coffee and we could TALK… WHERE the heck DO we go from here? (Literally… where do we GO to find the ‘third space’ that we can meet, and minister, and care in… ) What about the ‘community’ that you mentioned at the very end? I think that is something that many of us are thinking about: living together, loving together… [Maybe we should start a cafe-bar? Fair-trade, home-made, comfy space to gather... or a 'beauty parlour' or...]

Anyway, just on the marching note: for some, sometimes being involved in ‘campaigns’ mean that you meet people who you can live-as-a-witness to. Maybe gardening would help people eat better? Maybe having people over (as you do, I know) will let you get to know them…

Anyway, this is long! Sorry… I have just come back from San Antonio, and am on my way to bed, but don’t have another chance to post until tomorrow night…

The Zone (no, not an exercise programme, or a diet)

I really love the XXX films - I don't know why really, they're mad, but I think that the scene from the first one with Vin Diesel out-racing an avalanche is hilarious. So - the other thing they have is this notion of 'the Xander zone.' Today, I've been in the Deirdre-Zone.

I imagine that a lot of people have this, where the entire space they inhabit becomes still, and everything shrinks to "this" project, "this" book, "this..." The only real problem that I can tell with all of this is that I find it incredible difficult to switch from The Zone to normalcy and (in all honesty) niceness. I come out of it on edge. Actually while I"m confessing this, I may as well disclose what is common knowledge anyway... I'm very similarly 'on edge' when I'm hungry. It is a Brower trait, and one that we seem to be unable to control: General snarly nastiness when in need of sustenance.

Speaking of sustenance, one of the delights of the US of A is a snack food called "Chex (Chix?) Mix" - it is the most wonderful savoury delightfully mouth watering crunchy food. AND I recently found little parcels in the shops that are called "Chex mix seasoning...." Oh baby.

I'm here for something also called March Madness. A basketball-based tournament. [I'm still trying to suss it out, but I think it's not the 'premiership level of basketball, but college level]. The built up for it reminds me of football (though it's fair to say the madness in that lasts for more than March). I'm keeping up with the antics of Man U - Fergie, Wenger, (oh I think is lovely), Jose (him too), et al. But I feel so far removed from a lot of it...

Umm. Really not much else to report - but wanted to give you this poem:

Extinction



Have you heard the cry of the curlew?

I tell you –

I would rather we lost

the entire contents

of every art gallery

in the whole world

than lose

forever

the cry of the curlew

~Alastair McIntosh [Jonny Bradshaw, I can never thank you enough for introducing me to his works] Here is his website Love and Revolution

by the way...

for an interesting take...

And, can anyone remind me how to make links on the side? I'm being a bit thick :-(

Thanks...

some things to think about

So. I've had better days. But still, am alive and kicking.

Iulia, why do you find it more difficult in the UK?

Here are a couple of the thought provoking statements of the day from my reading [see, I am at least reading!]: First, relating to Wesley's economic ethics: [in Discourse III, SoM].
Owe no one anything, provide for your family, and then lend or give away any surplus to the needy.

What do you think of that? Andrew and I have talked a lot about the issue of having 'more' and luxuries. It is a hard one I think. The desire to live simply, and not be driven by greed is very hard. And the multiple issues that impact on 'giving away'...

Then, another issue we think about a lot is the whole "working out" of your theology.

I stumbled across this:

Theory is the articulation of practice and good theory of good practice.
Moral debate is therefore not primarily between theories as such, but
rather between theories that afford expression to rival forms of practice.
And we do not understand any theory adequately until we’ve understood in
concrete detail the form of practice of which it’s an articulation.
Theory, when it is recognized to be the articulation of practice, enables
practice to be reflectively thoughtful and so to remedy what have been its
defects and limitations. A. MacIntyre, 'The recovery of Moral Agency,’ Harvard Divinity Bulletin 2, no.4, (1999): 8

{incidentally, Ken Leech who I teach with at the college grew up knowing MacIntyre, which I think is interesting...}

So, onto thinking more about the defects and limitations of my/our practice.

Finally in today's news: "Lord, please forgive me for I have committed sins for our freedom" is causing enormous controversy amongst the right-wing ideologues.

More later

Musings

Over the last few days I’ve been thinking a lot about the differences/chasms between the vision of the good life that I hold, and my values-in-action. I’ve been troubled by this since being here, and in some ways America has made me see myself in bas-relief. There are so many things that I think are important, that are SO very hard to live out – not only here, but especially here. I don’t take it lightly that one of the key differences for me, of course, is that here I am not properly a part of a community that is also thinking about these things. Both Andrew and the Wednesday-group at home serve as anchors for me in some ways relating to life-as-we-are-called-to-live-it.

So, I made a crude chart, and then immediately faced this issue: is the column called ‘alternative reality’ really reality as it is supposed to be? Which would mean that what I live in (and see as reality) is really a negative alternative reality?

Anyway, you may be able to see what I mean.

Alternative reality-----------------------------Reality
Living and working------------------------------Injustice and apathy,
for justice and compassion, liberation----------despair, involvement in systemic evil
Devout------------------------------------------Busy
Shalom------------------------------------------Dissonance
Significance in being---------------------------significance in doing
Loving people-----------------------------------Loving some people
In Christ---------------------------------------In the world
Walking-----------------------------------------Driving
Discipline and simplicity-----------------------Consumption
Outdoor, fresh air------------------------------Indoor, forced air
Alive-------------------------------------------Less than alive – Boring?
Community---------------------------------------Primarily anonymous
Rhythms of life---------------------------------Consumer seasons
Earthy -----------------------------------------Concrete
And so on…

Here are some other things I’ve been thinking about, the preacher on Sunday said this: The ‘American inability to delay gratification is robbing us of reality’ which I found really interesting, since I think in many ways it relates to my above list… and certainly relates to my life. And also, it touches on the lives of many around us who are in chronic [bad] debt. (I guess I’m differentiating between student/ mortgage and other debt here).

The area around seminary and HQ (where I am daily) is very poor. “Cash your pay check”, pawn shops, ‘thrift’ shops (a bit like Oxfam), and I am reminded about the urgent needs of a society that leaves its poorest on the shelf, in the back-street, and hidden away [this isn’t alien of course, the UK does this well]. One of the great ironies is just down the street from me – [I wish I had a camera and could use it!] There is a concrete sign, engraved with the following “Jesus of Nazareth says I am the Way, the truth and the life” and about two metres away it says “For sale by Zimmermann, for details ring…” Sad, but True! Jesus is moving out of down-town. Oh no, wait, perhaps he’s staying.

Watched “Little Miss Sunshine” with my grandpa ([un]fortunately he couldn’t hear everything) and grandma M. I still think that it has some of the most wonderful pastoral care scenes I’ve ever seen.

Read this about Wesley: "he began to order his Oxford days around a plan of study. On Mondays and Tuesdays, he read Greek and Roman history and literature; on Wednesdays,
logic and ethics; thursdays, Hebrew and Arabic; and Fridays Metaphysics and natural philosophy. On Saturdays he composed oratory and poetry, and on Sundays he studied divinity, primarily patrisctics. Still he somehow found time for extra-curricular interests in French and mathematics and experiments in optics..." Quite the undergrad, hey?

This is in the news today, oh my:

"LONDON - Prime Minister Tony Blair is lobbying the United States to consider locating part of its anti-missile system in Britain, his office said Friday."
Are there protests at home? Sometimes Misty's cafe is the meeting place for the Stop the War coalition, if anyone can check it out...

So… back to work.

A reminder of Lent

A gift from our congregation made by the gifted Louise.

Saper Aude! has been on my mind today: ‘dare to think’ (or reason). I like that idea, or the notion of daring to question, which may be an equally good motto. One of my friends has a huge red "WHY?" written on the ceiling of his office, I think that is great.

I am currently watching Scrubs, and internally howling with laughter... The above Louise introduced me to it: warped, but funny.

The other, serious side of me may emerge tomorrow... I've been thinking a lot.

On the evangelical question

My cousin Mark asked me about evangelicals being stuck in the nineteenth century... I think it is probably more like being stuck in a bad part of the twentieth century. At least in the early nineteenth, being 'evangelical' did not mean being anaemic, or fundamentalist. My dad and I talk about this quite a bit- partly because I cannot fully explain the way I thought from the example or teaching of my parents. Maybe the hymns? Camps? For quite some time I was happy to call myself a 'post-evangelical' as defined by Dave Tomlinson, by a book of the same title. And, as I studied and read, I found that my un-nuanced views were a caricature of the classical understandings of evangelicalism as outlined by the scholar David Bebbington.


In a journey away from evangelicalism there were a few key factors (in my head, remember): abuse of the bible, an 'instant' conversion mentality that I found both wrong-headed, and manipulative... I also was tired. Tired. Tired. Of a relationship with God that was based on bad understanding of 'doing' not 'being', so was rushed, duty-filled, and 'active' in all the wrongs senses of the word. All of this was based on a very limited understanding of God - and a very thorough individualism, and me-ism... Then, there was also a developing engagement with the 'rules' that so many of us lived by, and the necessary exclusion that accompanies that -the prescriptiveness of so much of the way things were. The 'kingdom=denomination' impression that I had.

[I want to make it clear, that one of the enablers for me thinking differently was the many, many people who were not in that mold, or who were dissatisfied with the way things were; the training that I received; and the experiences that I was living through -and a deepening sense of needing to move towards God and loving others, and of needing to engage on deeper, richer levels with the history of the church]

So - I think that what was missing was a sense of grace, time, and an understanding and love of The Trinity.

Does that mean that I'm post evangelical? I don't think so, but I think I would want to redefine what 'evangelical' means. McLaren has a large E, small e, evangelical, differentiates between them, and wants to maintain relationship with the "good one". and I think that 'evangelical as fundamentalism' is repugnant, and that 'evangelical as good news', truly able to deal with suffering, pain, and all about grace, engaging in being, and dealing with justice, including people, welcoming to all.

My Andrew was relaying to me the sermon from Longsight today (oh, how I miss you all), and we were chatting about the reality of meeting God and saying "I've sung allot" or, "I've served the poor" -

So, apart from that, I think some of these muses explains my fixation/ attraction to/ love for/ curiosity about the emergent church. So, there's a lot to think about I know.

Shalom

Oh-my-goodness-funny... "like nothing ever changed"

Well, today has been eventful. Mum sent off, with love. Aunty Lorraine violently ill -all day (please, don't let that be catching!). Babysat (with Grandpa and Grandma my cousin's son, Camden),he liked me, but we didn't put his nappy on very well...it ended up on one leg only, and when his dad arrived back, picked him up, the consequences were quite dire. Then went out for coffee with Tanya to a wonderful Italian coffee shop - great coffee about three minutes from the office :-) (She's from Moscow, v. good family friend), and on the way turned the wrong way into a no entry road, and into the police car park...Interesting moments...

Found out some more hilarious things:

Sample one:

"Neuticles - it's like nothing ever changed..." [for traumatized dogs after the chop....], replacement you-know-whats... check out the photo section!

Sample two:

Or, "canine and feline nail tips, instead of declawing they glue on replacement claws - even in multiple colours..." for beautiful nails :-)

And then, three (thanks to Andrew Aveyard for this): for an interesting song

(Oh, and an octogenarian Florida woman retaking her license drove into the office of the testing centre, injuring 11. she accidentally hit the gas pedal! An easy mistake, and if you know me well...)

Well, nothing much to report apart from that. A pretty busy-but-mellow Saturday in Kansas City. The first day with no one from home here begins tomorrow.

Exports/ imports and life

"America: remember Sodom and Gomorrah."

What???

Bumper Stickers are one of the banes of existence [I think] – on occasion they are really funny, which makes them quite dangerous [when driving]. Sometimes they are really obscure, or just wrong. And often they are, well, tired. Darwin as a fish with legs; Jesus as a fish ? And?? It is interesting though how easy it is to ‘box’ people according to their cars/ bumper stickers. Yesterday, I was next to a red convertible which was plastered in things like: “I prefer organised crime to organised religion,” and had a US flag with the stars in the corner saying: “It’s American to think.” Another one was, “How can you impeach someone who’s never been elected.” What I find very interesting is the way I lean when I am reading them (mentally, not physically). I feel sympathy/empathy/care/ concern for the most militant on the left. The most militant on the right make me feel a little ill. I’ve been trying to suss out why, and I think that it is perhaps that I am - loosely speaking – one of ‘them’ [the Christians I mean, not the right]– and yet, my views could generally not be more radically different… But somehow I know that were I to meet normal people [quite difficult at the mintue in a rarefied life of scholar/preacher/church attendee] I would have to unpack all these layers of judgement before I could even be a listener, let alone heard. I think that to a much smaller degree this exists at home, but… It is interesting how ‘christian’ so much is here. [Not everywhere, I know, I’m not daft, but here, here].

Anyway, there are a lot of things that I think the UK would benefit from:
· Turning left on a red light (well, right here of course, in case you were thinking I was a truly dangerous driver!)
· School buses (I say that because there is such a huge difference on the roads on school days/non-school days.) Imagine all those little people on ONE bus instead? Genius.
· Proper Mexican food.
· People in shops being nice to you (I don’t want too nice, just nice)
· The little clicky thing that you can push down when you fill up your car/tank that stops when it is full [I love that!]
· The wide expanse of sky and unbroken land
· Salad bars & Ranch dressing

Things I think should be imported this direction:
· Round-abouts
· Stronger coffee-drinking tendency
· Things being closer together – i.e. one area where you can get everything you need for life, and not having to travel hours between places [Walmart makes sense in that scenario – you don’t want to travel for AGES between everything…]
· European holidays – as in, statutory four weeks, plus bank holidays, maternity and paternity leave.
· Some form of better health care for the poor

Umm. Apart from all of that, I’ve been re-reading The Finovar Tapestry. It is one of the most wonderful trilogies I’ve ever read, and Andrew gave it to my parents to bring to me. It is stirring, and passionate, and delightful – and good/compulsive bed-time reading.

Found this quote:
"Christians are like manure in several ways:
- If they stay together too long, they generate heat and fumes that smell up the whole neighbourhood.
- Also manure piles develop a hard crust making them almost impenetrable.
- A long term pile that is never moved creates ground so acidic only weeds can grow there.
But if you spread manure around, it enriches everything it touches."
By: Pete Hammond

Made me laugh.

My mum leaves tomorrow. I expect that will be difficult. While we will be apart she will have fairly major surgery, begin healing, and probably begin radiation therapy. It is all quite a lot to take in. I’ve noticed though how many people don’t mention either ‘cancer’… or ‘breast cancer’ - and I don’t know if everyone is like this, but I’d always much rather not have elephants in the room. I also don’t want to only talk about it, but it is going to be very much a part of our lives for a while I think. I’ve felt very isolated from home, and very strangely cut off from all the emotion/thought and life that goes on 'there' while you travel away. It’s odd – but on occasions, so many little things happen when you are away that when you return, you seem to be some distant being that arrives from a different place/planet with a wholly other way of thinking and being. That always is hard to negotiate. On the other hand, there is a concomitant danger that while being away I change so much no one recognises the internal me any longer. We’ll see, perhaps the old adage will prove to be true: PLUS ÇA CHANGE, PLUS ÇA RESTE LA MÊME

I went to a great cafe today with mum, and we just blethered, which was good. After she leaves I will have one month before I'm home to try and work solidly in. It's going really quickly.

Twisted sisters.

I went out with Mum and Aunt Lorraine today for fun, we went to a very lovely cafe (kind of Chorlton flavoured if you're a Mancunian), and then to a shop called "Twisted Sisters" where my mum and aunt nearly lost the plot laughing very, very hard at the cards. That is a Taylor-girl speciality, and one of the few memories I have of my grandma Taylor. Collapsing with giggles in a shop - at times, to the point of having to leave! So, the best ones today were political: "someone should tell a village in Texas they've lost their idiot" and so on. Quite funny.

Then, I came home and met-up with my cousin for the first time in eight years. She is all grown up; married, with a baby. Lovely. It is eerily like looking at my aunt when I am around her (she probably thinks the same thing about me!). I was asking her about the medicare/ health insurance that she has, and her husband about his working life. So, the C-section she had cost over $6000, the hospital stay costs per day, and that is all a bit mad. But, she also had 6 weeks maternity leave, WITH NO PAY, and only a guarantee of a job at the end. That is ALL she is entitled to. On top of that Ian has two weeks off per year. (Oh, and five days holiday...) and no paternity leave. Wow. [I can't remember if I mentioned that a twelve year old died here recently of a toothache...No insurance etc.]

Umm. Let's see. I've met loads of lovely people the last couple of days -and encountered friends of friends... people who know people. A lady who is really good friends with our friends in California (Linda Zane, Steve); a couple of guys who know you, Geordan and Iulia! AND, various people who I've met before, but got to meet again.

The seminary community is very kind, caring - and encouraging. Each day in Chapel there were different pray-ers for the service, and for me. They were both lovely prayers and outward looking. The man who prepared the services had clearly thought deeply about it, and today there was a really clever power-point, that pulled words out 'mercy', 'goodness' and then found a way of drawing Scriptures in that emphasised those words. I was dead nervous every day, and realise that I am not very used to preaching without Andrew there, and he is always a rock and a good and gentle and honest critic.

There was a tornado in Alabama today, just now - and it has been lethal - how tragic, 18 people died, and some of them in a high-school. [Two tornadoes also in Kansas]. Nature's power is terrifyingly awesome. Something quite interesting is how accurately they can and do predict tornadoes, and yet cannot stop them. Does anyone else find that odd? This unstoppable power.

I am sad (in every sense of the word!): I don't know what is happening on Desperate Housewives... ! I was trying (probably badly!) to explain why I like it so much, and discovered that I think it is probably because it is story-familiar and (I admit) at points I find it quirkily funny! I am currently in Grandpa's chair [it is very comfy!], and he is flicking through channels (79), trying to find something to watch [oh, it's CSI. Nasty]! He is devoted to Wheel of Fortune, and Jeopardy! Quite funny.

Grandpa's chief engagement at the moment is writing his Memoirs. (pronounced meeemoirs :-)) I think that is great, since at the moment, I know bits and pieces of his life, but, he has lived through SO much, and in his older age has a new perspective on so much. It will also be good to learn more about my grandma. She died only three years ago, but was so ill with dementia for so long that I only have the very vaguest memories. Until this trip I didn't even know she could drive. Apparently she was also the king-pin in the family whilst my grandpa travelled. I wish that I had known her. I am glad that I'll have the opportunity to learn more of her. I do know that much of her character lives on in her daughters.

I bought a book today at 'The Half Price book store' by Annie Dillard, who is one of my favourite American Authors. It is a book about reading fiction, and I'll send it home with my mum and hopefully read it later on.

Of course, you are all wondering, with bated breath I"m sure, about my PhD... Well, tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow... Actually, I had always reserved this week as head-space, and still have managed to do some reading, so I feel ahead of the game! Me and Rousseau [JJ, not Lost] are managing to have serious disagreements about gender issues. Via Emile. Okay, going.

Be like the fox...

Interesting Quote: “…civilisation inevitably corrupts because it fills us with inauthentic desires (which are also what propel the economies of the corrupt societies). These inauthentic desires are what cause the wish for luxury.” (Outram, Enlightenment, 54). I've been thinking quite a bit about the things we think we need. And, the things that we adjust to 'needing' without even being aware of it. In particular, I've been struck in my own life by the issues relating to space, privacy, food, transport, access to 'things', and how easy it is to take it all for granted.

Last week there was a large conference in Kansas City. You-who-watch-my-time-from-afar will be happy to know that I opted out of attending in favour of study. But, that hasn’t stopped me from hearing about it. Apparently one of the sermons in particular, provoked interest. A key leader’s sermon related to three challenges [the jury's out on whether she meant dangers, threats or other...] faced by the church. They are (wait for it) reform theology, Calvinism and the emergent church (you can see a particular clip on you tube, but I'm having a technophobic moment and can't remember how to make links...) might work and you can follow the links to find the whole sermon here.

Hmm.

Whatever happened to injustice? Consumerism? Or Individualism? Or apathy, lethargy and boredom? Whatever happened to anaemic Christians? Or the threat to the church of activism? Whatever happened to Racism? To.... well, fill in the blanks.


What did catch my attention, however, was that the emergent church should spark such an interest. Now, please realise, I am fully aware that she may not have meant exactly what most people mean by emergent [she is a rather gracious person, completely loves her grand-daughter, and is interesting to chat to] and perhaps, she did mean 'challenge' in a neutral sense. BUT it did cause me to wonder…

The emergent church [as researched] is a very different beast at the moment than the emergent church [as visited]. I have been interested in the clear difference between what is blogged, written, holy-gossiped (talked?) about, and so on. And also, in the enormous difference between the US/UK contexts. It seems to me clearer than ever that the alternative worship movement (often included in emergent) is NOT the same thing as the emergent-as-attended experience. Though it is more similar to the emergent-as-written-about experience. I don't know if that is particularly clear, but I wonder if it might be worth thinking about what churches are reacting TO, and where/what they are developing FROM. I also wonder about how much of what happens is about the process of 'creating' church as well as the process of attending a gathering called 'church.'

There is a ginormous thunder and lightening storm here just now. Hail, bright flashes, a tv station devoted to warnings of flash floods and tornadoes, I LOVE WEATHER. (I am true to my farming roots with that, I think.)

Been reading poetry at the moment: Alistair McIntosh, 'Love and Revolution'; brilliant. He is a revolutionary and agrees with che guevara that the best revolutionaries are inspired by love. Always.

Wendell Berry is another great poet: As with most poets, I don't agree with everything of course, but here's one for the road. [incidentally I encountered him through Eugene Peterson's Spiritual Readership].

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.

And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.

When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.
So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.

Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.

Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.
Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.

Listen to carrion -- put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.

Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.

As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go.

Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

Wendell Berry

And lastly, lastly: one of my good friends, a lovely man Chuck, has been coming to chapel to support me in preaching, he is so wonderful, and runs a youth centre that does amazing things. Today he introduced me to a lady called Angela, who (apart from all else she does) volunteers at a centre working with prostitutes. Very sad stories -the average age here for 'girls' to get involved/seduced into the streets - is 12. Dreadful. It makes me aware of the many needs that surround us. 12. That is TEN YEARS older than my/our oldest God-daughter. ELEVEN YEARS older than my/our next. My stomach turns at the thought. What world is this...? And yet, we're called to 'practice resurrection.'