Being loved into life

The world of heaven and earth, rushing in to meet each other

Wright has a way of turning a phrase that almost makes you gasp - an 'ah ha!' moment of recognition that you knewthis but that you could never have phrased it that way withou a 'Wright' breaking the ground for you. We had tea with him and his wife last night - and they were lovely, and normal... We talked about lumberjacks, the Quebecois, and autism (amongst other things) and it was congenial and ordinary. Which, I suppose is one of the things that helps him communicate so brilliantly.

Anyway, back to what he is saying: gives a great summary of most of his work and in these lectures, he is definitely (re) considering the essential goodness of the created order. Last night he had a very interesting discussion of 'the dark' which talked a lot about people either becoming more like God... closer and closer to the image they were made in and thus more fully human, and then its opposite - consistent choices away from God, towards de-humanity. In a sense cooperating over and again with one's own dehumanisation. Sin. It was such rich food for thought.

For those of you who are keeping tabs on Andrew - he had a review at work, and was offered four more hours - they also told him that if they could, they would employ him as their consultant theologian, since he makes them think in new ways. I thought that was lovely. Especially since Asda/Walmart (do I have to copyright that or something?) is so soul destroying (...not to mention planet...). We are now earnestly looking for something else that will be more fulfilling, and whole (if that makes sense.) We were talking last night about that though - and the hope that we have that he will find something else - so different that the people we are encountering day in and day out who cannot get any job, and when/if they do, it is numbing and dehumanising... and thus, (I conclude) somehow in collusion with 'the dark' and sin.

Apart from that, some more news of the week (aside from Steve and Jo arriving today - the world of the North - here we come!) is the beginning of new chapters for me at NTC - for some reason (lack of choice!) the faculty have made me (conferred the honour of being) the head of Pastoral and Social Theology here. So - this week I started in earnest trying to consider what that might mean. It is hugely challenging and will, I hope, be rewarding. But it has occurred to me over and again how huge the responsibility all of that is & will be.

Right, onto read.

"Life after Life after death"

So, our lives this week are arranged around the Didsbury Lectures and the Right Good honourable your grace Dr. N.T. "Bishop Tom" Wright. (I prefer Mister Tom, more human). The man has a huge brain... and lectured really well for an hour, without saying Um once. His topic which tackled death and beyond is actually quite a moving one - and for Christians is something we probably are quite woolly about - but my, he was good. Andrew - who loves Bishop Tom unreservedly - was rapt, and even asked a question. (I've never yet had the nerve -though I think of a lot!).

I was really moved partly because he maintains that who we are NOW and what we do in the body MATTERS... (an answer to my questions about weed, greed and mis-deed?) and, indeed, that Christians should care more for the world on the basis of God's Justice and His love of His creation. Nothing that I didn't already know... but certainly something that it is good to be reminded of.

the big move
the move (if it happens) is only 17 days away. Yikes. People keep saying that I need to make sure I don't forget to pack! Since my prevailing model of getting ready to go anywhere has been to pack the night before, I think that what they really mean is we need to start packing SOON....

it will have to wait for us to have jaunted all over (with our friends from California who come this weekend - we are SO excited! Chester, York, the dales, here we come!)... and then for my birthday-trip to Pisa Thanks my love!! THEN, when feet are firmly on the ground, we'll begin to sort/box-up/rearrange/give-away.

So - apart from that I've still been reading Said's Cultural Imperialism It's slow reading (I've been re-reading my Louis L'Amour collection, and after that, anything that engages brain cells is slow-going!!) but really fascinating - and something called 'Church Next.' (which doesn't mean everyone who wears clothes from Next, though you could be forgiven for thinking so from its very au currant book cover. Don't judge a book and all that...

Right, going to teach, perchance to dream...

remarkably cheerful, all things considered

Well, I too have been rendered virtually unconcious by the dreaded (and virulent) autumn cold season. Sniffing, snorting, and generally feeling woe-begotten. Great word! [I also like habedashery...as a word I mean]. It's laid me so low there's been no climbing, no outside-ness, no nothing.

Already we are four weeks into term - it seems impossible, but I know it is true - because my class notes say so! I'm only teaching two classes this term - church history (which I love, some of the early guys are incroyable . For instance how's this for a slur: 'they are the sons of satan.' Or this for a name: Saint Mary the Harlot. I've really been enjoying this class - by and large they are really engaged - and it is great to see things dawn- we had great debates today about persecution - and standards of personal holiness. Some of my students think that "great persecution" is coming to The West. I'm not so sure. We don't seem to deserve it. (unpack that!)

Then - my second class (Christian Leadership) was also really interesting - we were looking at world views. At morality. I've been wrestling SO MUCH with a series of those questions myself that it is great to learn from the students what they are thinking. My questions this week are all about grace. How far can people step outside of grace before you would have to say that they are not in grace? Why is weed/benefit fraud/idle-ness considered so wrong by most of us - when we may be fat/greedy/too busy? How does the "peace of God" come?

The sermon in chapel helped me (I can't go into detail but in the last two weeks I've experienced more of what I can ONLY describe as utter pyschosomatic spiritual attack - even had visions - if you see me, ask me - but be prepared!!) since it was all about being worthy of our citizenship in heaven - and living our lives in the opposite pole to the "empire." It is amazing how often I find God meets me at my point of need - and lest I sound totally self-centred - it is usually only in community that that is true. In particular (apologies Matt that I've adopted these, but they often help me) the Orthodox prayers for the morning and evening. They are so profound and ageless, and the sense of the choirs of angels and cloud of witnesses saying them with me always moves me.

Apart from that, I am going to find time this evening to BE.

So - having been castigated and damned to hell, i find myself remarkably cheerful today - we'll see what tomorrow brings.

opportunities don't always knock

Well, yesterday is over. That's good. I was low, low, low (as REM would say. Today however is a Macey Gray day. She cheers me up.

I coached football this morning (for those who know me, smile now). It was really fun. I had 12 children, aged 10, and it reminded me of when my brother used to play ice-hockey as a little boy. No! Wrong Way... No, don't ALL follow the ball... Keeper, why are you up the post????? Hilarious. I love Friday mornings when this is my lot. It reminds me of hope I suppose.

This week I had a PhD supervision meeting - yikes. I have about 1500 words a week to write for the next few - feel free to ask me about it. I need shame as a motivator!! It is funny, but I am concious every day of the privilege it is to be able to study. To have studying funded. To be able to read, and write. To be able to have conversations with people as equals. It seems a slog, but, not many people have the opportunity. A lot of people in our congregation remind me to be thankful, every day, for the sheer options that I/we have. It struck me all over again this week when I was talking to a "job-seeker" who can not find a job, is not given a chance, does not hold out any hope, and so has NO options, no money, no recreation, no life, bar stolen/borrowed/'i'll pay you back' weed & TV. Supplied by different corporations every time they are cut off...

Less than a month to go before we move house. Funny, if you've seen the v.good film howl's moving castle (really good children's books JA,by Dianne Wynne Jones, I'm a new fan, god-children look out) it INVADED my dreams last night - and I was looking for our house everywhere. I ended up in the outer hebrides. maybe there's a wish in there somewhere?

Okay, just waffling now. Tomorrow is one of my most dreaded days. Graduation. Every year it steals time, and every year my hat (publicly) falls off. Argh.

And finally, I had to get my sermon ready for Sunday - and the preparation really spoke to me (The Lord heard my prayers). 1 Thessalonians 1: 1-10 if you're interested. Enduring in love. nice one.

It's not easy being...

So, the thing about being a Christian in community is that it is not easy. Darn it. You always seem to make mistakes, and sometimes you aren't given the opportunity to make it better. That makes it tough.

My dad and I just had a conversation where I recounted the latest (and it has left me literally shaking) encounter with someone in our congregation - my dad's entirely accurate summary of it was this: this is Christian leadership -it hurts followed by "leave it with the Lord."

I guess I have to! but I wish the Lord would talk more back at me sometimes. :-)

I also have a new book to read: Robert Jordan's latest. About time.

the cosms

Part one: Macrocosm of World tragedy


It seems odd and a little off to blog when there is tragedies going on. I've always found that a strange thing. Over there people are dealing with life-and-death-and-suffering, and somehow, because we are people, we over here should be (are??) deeply touched - even damaged. So, it is at the forefront of our minds that India, Pakistan, Mexico, Guatemala, Sudan, Niger are all suffering enormously. Except that it isn't. Why not? What is wrong in my head that my life is so utterly unaffected by these terrible things. Sure, we live simply, (or try? do we really?). Certainly, we pray (enough? Can you pray enough?). We even give. But... the local tragedy (the son of a friend, brother of a friend, arrested last night, social services called...) seems to take over. I need to think through the balance.

Part 2: microcosm Brower-Latz

So, we can all breathe now - the contracts are apparently exchanged, which means (we think) that we now own 12 Worsley Grove, and don't own 52 Slade lane, even though we are living in the latter, and not the former... We "complete" on the 11th November. Should be good.

I am having an odd week (already). Last night, preached possibly the most difficult sermon I've had to -in the church of a pastor who ran away LAST weekend with a woman from the congregation. Really, really tragic. We sang a lot of very defiant songs - initially, I felt like I was singing as the titanic sank, but, since I preached on a combination of 2 Cor 4 and Matthew 11, I guess defiance in the face of weight-ed-ness felt normal - even appropriate.

I would want to castrate my husband if he left me for another (he knows this, and assures me he won't). The thing is, I've become more and more acutely aware of how community-damaging this kind of a thing is- so many suffering people.

Apart from that, I am wrestling -shall I do it out loud? What makes up a congregation? What is church? What kind of leaders should we have? I am finding myself polarised between a "church growth fan" and my own inkling that there is something much more to be looked for. I yearn for community - where do we find that? how does the congregation that gathers become intimate?

My second wrestle is with an odd feeling of dis-jointedness - internally, I suppose. It's hard to pin down, but is related to various (probably best non-public) issues that I don't think I've resolved in my head... The thing is, the last time I wrestled like this, I went under. I don't think I am 'drowning' just now, but I can still feel the black dog.

Went climbing again tonight, however had a "sweet chilli problem." No, that is not a raving climbers term for a hard move - rather, it is the result of yesterday morning, my dropping a full bottle of sweet chilli from a shelf of great height. With great skill and finesse it landed on the bone between the joints on my big toe. The bruise is raised, and so forcing my feet into climbing boots - well, let's just say it wasn't good. The end result was an hour of feeble climbing...

Reading Edward Said's Culture and Imperialism. Has anyone read Nostromo by by Conrad? Is it as grim as The heart of darkness? Said recommends it. I'll see.

Anyway, I'm avidly reading other people's blogs - but I don't understand how to respond to people's comments, so I'll have to try and learn...

Adieu

public?! Oh my...

Well, now that this is more public, i am blushing... it was more of an experiment. However, i suppose i'll persevere. the book Soil and Soul is, i guess an ecofeminist, political book, that looks at so many issues it is hard to pin down. i really enjoyed it, though it made me think - and, i think i mentioned earlier that sometimes that unleashes a lot of different emotion. One chapter, called the womanhood of God led APBL and me into huge discussions about metaphors for God. I feel perfectly happy refering to God as like a mother, chick, wise-woman etc... but not at all as comfortable at calling God she. I can't decide why though.

apart from that, today has been early - team meeting - we talked about sabbath. it's my month to lead our devotions, and I've been really challenged by the hebrew concept of "day" - which begins in the evening and carries on into sunlight... and throughout the next hours to sundown. it seems healthy, since it makes the onus for life God's. While i sleep, God is active. i am healed. rested. refreshed. and in the morning, when I wake upm, i enter into what God is already doing... the slip-stream, if you like, of God's action. Quite thought-provoking, and reassuring. There is also a whole section dealing with the "bastard sabbath" which is, what we call the "day off." The author objects to that because he thinks that we use 'days off' as utilitarian. (I do this so that I'll be able to work more...) which really abuses the whole concept. I need to think on it, but I think i'll try and weave it into our lives.

incidentally, we've been religiously climbing three times a week, which has been great. yesterday i climbed a series of 5++, which for me was FANTASTIC and so fulfilling! The problem is that my forearms are now too big for most of my dress shirts (don't worry, i don't yet look quite like popeye... but's it is a danger). I think it is my brower genes, but I bulk up fairly easily...

Other random things
ugly past fact
reading for my phd - in the journal of eigtheenth century studies. the only reason men were prosecuted for rape in the 1800s was because the woman lost 'market' value. nice.
good past literature
reading Seneca On the Shortness of Life. unbelievably interesting & clever.
house move truth
nearly had heart-failure last night when the Seller of our hopefully-new-house said that they had changed plans and were no longer going to australia... however, am signing the contract this afternoon so, cross every part of your bodies for us!

right. that's all for now folks

a day in the life of...

Yesterday morning i was abruptly awakened by the telephone, so much for sweet sleeping dreams. it was a lovely lady from our congregation, whose daughter was 'missing' and had been out all night. she was terrified. rape. murder. all the things that parents dread so much, and are in the news just enough to make them seem real possibilities. i went round, and we searched, went to the daughters college. called the police. prayed. it is amazing - often times I'm with Peterson in the idea that a lot of "pastoral work" is actually "social work" and anyone could do it... he suggests however, that a true pastor (this is all going to be a crude paraphrase) works in liminal places and prays, interceding in that way. AND, that a pastor can only do that from being in a place of prayer themselves... I think I see that more and more.
Anyway, on with the story... early in the afternoon we heard from the (now) repenting child. all was well. [but the college, the police, the mother, and I are all going to make sure that it's a one-off :-)]
However, when I had called home to tell APBL that I was going to be later than planned, he told me that another mother in the flock had rung - her daughter, who suffers from bi-polar disorder, was also reported missing and the police had been, and could I come around. I went - but as I was leaving had a phone call from yet another person, this time, a hospital rush with emergency appendicitis, and could I visit.
Well -from the old lady - "before I could sleep pastor, I read me some psalms, and then I tell me, go you sleep now and TRUST de Lord" (her daughter, it transpires has run away and won't be seen, but has been found), to the bloated stomach of the post-operative patient... I again prayed for people. And again, discovered that the words of prayer are rooted somewhere far beyond my mind.
Then, since I was in the area of the hospital (about 8 miles from Longsight) I phoned a lady there - married to pastor - she asked me if I could come over NOW... I did, in all innocence, only to walk in on a nightmare, since three days earlier her esteemed husband had announced his moving in with another women. dios mio Poor lady. All of the marks of betrayal are etched on her face, the grooves of tears, the fragility of her voice. Poor lady. Poor lady. I listened, and cried with her, and -since her son is a member of our congregation felt like healing is a long, long road for their family. Such betrayal. And, then, I prayed with her.
I came home late, to join in with a gathering of young adults - eating macaroni and cheese, and laughing and joking, out to watch a history of violence, and suddenly the silence and stillness of the house seemed such bliss.
A day of need. And now, I need a day of prayer. the problem so often is that need seems to supersede prayer. i know though, that my tap-roots need to be deep. so deep.

finally, incidentally finished Soil and Soul. Inspiring.

Somehow I've gotten the fever. I am excited this morning - going in to teach my Church History class. They (were supposed to) read Polycarps' martyrdom this last week - which is a quite amazing account of obedience and death - and refusal to forsake Christ. I often this about this subject - probably because - in part - Endo's books - The Samurai and Silence are so thought provoking on the matter. Also, I've been thinking a lot about syncretism -and how much of my faith 'rooted and grounded in the love of Christ' is a cultural, historical, contextual faith. It is interesting food for thought, but I am not sure how to open the door to it, without unleashing whole new worlds. Funny that, at one point I'd have been fearless, but I realise that as I age a lot of things matter less - but some things matter more.

We climbed last night - excellent. Andrew (my climbing partner, and beloved husband) got up to a series of 6b's (good climbing, nothing to hold on to, lunges UP the wall, suspending yourself from your chin...:)) I am much less bold, but even so managed to get consistently in the 5+ realm - a first. What a GREAT feeling. [Actually, for me, the great feeling begins when I even get out of the house to go - I often feel knackered... it helps being accountable to someone else, so that you HAVE to go...]. Anyway, we've opened up Saturday mornings (when we go anyway) to people from church - it could be quite an interesting morning!

places I love

here's something I forgot which is one of the best places in the world

and here's another of them

which is a place for solitude

my links

okay here are the links I would like to make... we'll see if this works:

some good friends

and

my brother's family

and

some far-away friends

and some inspiring strangers

who we all seem to 'know'

enjoy

signals of danger...

the weekend has been a long one. funny. on saturday i was completely loosing the plot when our 'new' car broke down again. for the now sixth week in a row, i took it to the garage to be fixed. argh. however, what was so remarkable to me about that was that i really fell apart. never a good sign for me (or, conversely, a very good sign that all is NOT well in my soul... ) so, after stressing for a while, i then sorted out the 20 or so responsibilities i had, and then went to baptise my god-daughter... katie hannah birkinshaw. it was a lovely ritual to participate in. i hope we will be good god-parents. i don't know what we'll contribute.. maybe a love of books? climbing? hmm. i'll have to muse on it.

Strand of church life
on sunday the congregation gathered... i was so moved. one of our elderly ladies, whose daughter has not spoken to her in over seven years came in. as soon as she saw me, she pulled me over to her, and sat me down. she told me that in the week she'd heard from her beloved child. spoken to her grand-children for the first time. and that reconciliation was beginning. THANKS BE TO GOD!! Later on, she stood in the service and shared with us all this miracle of her faith. it was a beautiful moment.
She bore the weight of faith, hope and grace on her shoulders and spread it amongst us.

last evening then, was a weekly bible study i participate in... except for we didn't start it - again. one of my dear friends had his birthday and so we talked together instead. i hope for us all.

well - my brother and sister in law have moved - along with Godson Lev to St. Petersburg -it looks beautiful, and exotic, and makes me restless... I'll try and add their blog to this one...

times are funny.

and now, to prepare for my classes.