the cosms
Part one: Macrocosm of World tragedy
It seems odd and a little off to blog when there is tragedies going on. I've always found that a strange thing. Over there people are dealing with life-and-death-and-suffering, and somehow, because we are people, we over here should be (are??) deeply touched - even damaged. So, it is at the forefront of our minds that India, Pakistan, Mexico, Guatemala, Sudan, Niger are all suffering enormously. Except that it isn't. Why not? What is wrong in my head that my life is so utterly unaffected by these terrible things. Sure, we live simply, (or try? do we really?). Certainly, we pray (enough? Can you pray enough?). We even give. But... the local tragedy (the son of a friend, brother of a friend, arrested last night, social services called...) seems to take over. I need to think through the balance.
Part 2: microcosm Brower-Latz
So, we can all breathe now - the contracts are apparently exchanged, which means (we think) that we now own 12 Worsley Grove, and don't own 52 Slade lane, even though we are living in the latter, and not the former... We "complete" on the 11th November. Should be good.
I am having an odd week (already). Last night, preached possibly the most difficult sermon I've had to -in the church of a pastor who ran away LAST weekend with a woman from the congregation. Really, really tragic. We sang a lot of very defiant songs - initially, I felt like I was singing as the titanic sank, but, since I preached on a combination of 2 Cor 4 and Matthew 11, I guess defiance in the face of weight-ed-ness felt normal - even appropriate.
I would want to castrate my husband if he left me for another (he knows this, and assures me he won't). The thing is, I've become more and more acutely aware of how community-damaging this kind of a thing is- so many suffering people.
Apart from that, I am wrestling -shall I do it out loud? What makes up a congregation? What is church? What kind of leaders should we have? I am finding myself polarised between a "church growth fan" and my own inkling that there is something much more to be looked for. I yearn for community - where do we find that? how does the congregation that gathers become intimate?
My second wrestle is with an odd feeling of dis-jointedness - internally, I suppose. It's hard to pin down, but is related to various (probably best non-public) issues that I don't think I've resolved in my head... The thing is, the last time I wrestled like this, I went under. I don't think I am 'drowning' just now, but I can still feel the black dog.
Went climbing again tonight, however had a "sweet chilli problem." No, that is not a raving climbers term for a hard move - rather, it is the result of yesterday morning, my dropping a full bottle of sweet chilli from a shelf of great height. With great skill and finesse it landed on the bone between the joints on my big toe. The bruise is raised, and so forcing my feet into climbing boots - well, let's just say it wasn't good. The end result was an hour of feeble climbing...
Reading Edward Said's Culture and Imperialism. Has anyone read Nostromo by by Conrad? Is it as grim as The heart of darkness? Said recommends it. I'll see.
Anyway, I'm avidly reading other people's blogs - but I don't understand how to respond to people's comments, so I'll have to try and learn...
Adieu
It seems odd and a little off to blog when there is tragedies going on. I've always found that a strange thing. Over there people are dealing with life-and-death-and-suffering, and somehow, because we are people, we over here should be (are??) deeply touched - even damaged. So, it is at the forefront of our minds that India, Pakistan, Mexico, Guatemala, Sudan, Niger are all suffering enormously. Except that it isn't. Why not? What is wrong in my head that my life is so utterly unaffected by these terrible things. Sure, we live simply, (or try? do we really?). Certainly, we pray (enough? Can you pray enough?). We even give. But... the local tragedy (the son of a friend, brother of a friend, arrested last night, social services called...) seems to take over. I need to think through the balance.
Part 2: microcosm Brower-Latz
So, we can all breathe now - the contracts are apparently exchanged, which means (we think) that we now own 12 Worsley Grove, and don't own 52 Slade lane, even though we are living in the latter, and not the former... We "complete" on the 11th November. Should be good.
I am having an odd week (already). Last night, preached possibly the most difficult sermon I've had to -in the church of a pastor who ran away LAST weekend with a woman from the congregation. Really, really tragic. We sang a lot of very defiant songs - initially, I felt like I was singing as the titanic sank, but, since I preached on a combination of 2 Cor 4 and Matthew 11, I guess defiance in the face of weight-ed-ness felt normal - even appropriate.
I would want to castrate my husband if he left me for another (he knows this, and assures me he won't). The thing is, I've become more and more acutely aware of how community-damaging this kind of a thing is- so many suffering people.
Apart from that, I am wrestling -shall I do it out loud? What makes up a congregation? What is church? What kind of leaders should we have? I am finding myself polarised between a "church growth fan" and my own inkling that there is something much more to be looked for. I yearn for community - where do we find that? how does the congregation that gathers become intimate?
My second wrestle is with an odd feeling of dis-jointedness - internally, I suppose. It's hard to pin down, but is related to various (probably best non-public) issues that I don't think I've resolved in my head... The thing is, the last time I wrestled like this, I went under. I don't think I am 'drowning' just now, but I can still feel the black dog.
Went climbing again tonight, however had a "sweet chilli problem." No, that is not a raving climbers term for a hard move - rather, it is the result of yesterday morning, my dropping a full bottle of sweet chilli from a shelf of great height. With great skill and finesse it landed on the bone between the joints on my big toe. The bruise is raised, and so forcing my feet into climbing boots - well, let's just say it wasn't good. The end result was an hour of feeble climbing...
Reading Edward Said's Culture and Imperialism. Has anyone read Nostromo by by Conrad? Is it as grim as The heart of darkness? Said recommends it. I'll see.
Anyway, I'm avidly reading other people's blogs - but I don't understand how to respond to people's comments, so I'll have to try and learn...
Adieu
posted by erdreid at 18:52
4 Comments:
Great to have you 'out' in the waves!
You need a serious telling off young lady!!! After taking the mick out of all of us bloggers a couple of weeks ago, here hidden in cyber space is YOUR blog! I will make sure I read it often and keep up with your need to blog.
Be careful who you rip as it may come back to haunt you!!!!
J
Hey great to see & read your blog. Will make sure I check in every couple of days. Cheerio from down south.
ps you're doing much better at this blogging lark. I still haven't figured out how to do links!
It's amusing how a 'hope for solitude' creates this sort of virtual community, eh?
If you turn on the "word verification" you won't get all the weird "spam" for mortgages and medicines.
I'm getting "Soil and Soil" today.
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